im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
