I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
two words...techno handjob
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
