just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
