I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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