for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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