He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
