You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
