She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize