In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
even my farts smell like vagina
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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