Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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