What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
