there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
