Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize