Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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