I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
