At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
