Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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