Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize