omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Soap is not a condiment
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
