dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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