haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
