if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
