I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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