I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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