I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
