If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
