I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
