He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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