I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
