so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's blow job season.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
