He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
