he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
