Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
