I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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