There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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