i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
