sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
