He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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