Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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