My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
