Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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