Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize