Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
