There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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