am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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