Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
