She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
