Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
