Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Houston, we have a blender
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
