New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
