I want to stick my p in your. b.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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