I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
