none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
