Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the day after is always just damage control
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
