So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
