What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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