If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
