After last night, I could never be a politician.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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