Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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