I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
