Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
