I can't breathe out the right side of my face
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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