At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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