I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
