They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
