i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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