I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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