It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i now understand why vodka
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
