remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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