nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
