I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
