Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
