I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
