i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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