Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
