Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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